Dad | Year Two

Due to illness and scheduling and relocation of the older children, our celebration of Dad was smaller than usual. But Ben and I celebrated with mint Oreo milkshakes and Rachel represented with some thing in a cup in Germany. Miss you, Dad. 

Dad 1 Year

It's been one year since Dad passed and I was trying to think about how to commemorate the day. I remembered that Uncle Craig said that one of the last things he did with Dad was get a milkshake. That was the last time he left the house. Uncle Craig ordered one while we were there in memory of Dad. I have decided to borrow that idea and invited family to have a milkshake on Monday, April 7th to celebrate Dad. Here are some of the pictures.

Dad's Funeral

So there are lots of feelings around Dad's funeral. And the shit hit the fan more than once. I am not ready to put most of that down in writing, but I wanted to post pictures and the words I wrote for his obituary and my talk at the funeral. 

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Douglas Kirk Roberts (1951 - 2024)

Douglas Kirk Roberts, beloved husband, father, brother, and friend, passed away peacefully in his sleep on Sunday April 7, 2024, at the age of 72 in Winchester, Virginia. Born on June 28, 1951, in Salt Lake City, Utah, he was the son of Dorthy Virginia Bishop Roberts and David Gardner Roberts. Kirk earned his bachelor’s degree from the University of Houston and was a Certified Public Accountant. Kirk was a devoted member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Kirk is survived by his devoted wife, Diane Roberts, and his cherished children: Irene (Jason), Douglas (Cody), and Rachel and his step-daughter Audrey (Aaron), and step-son Aaron (Megan). He also leaves behind his ex-wife, Jo Ann Martyn, with whom he shared many years of memories. Kirk was a loving grandfather to 13 grandchildren, Joshua, Michael, Benjamin, Issac, Cale, Faye, Tucker, Brooke, Parker, Makenna, Bryce, Corbin, and Alyssa. He was also a caring brother to Craig (Kathi), Jeff, and Mark (Marilyn).

On April 9, 2005, Kirk and Diane were married in the DC Temple, where they began their journey together, spanning nearly 19 years of marriage. Together, they created a blended family filled with love and laughter.

Throughout his life, Kirk embarked on numerous adventures, moving across various states from Utah to Virginia. He anchored his life in the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, where his faith remained unwavering. Kirk worked for various organizations throughout his life as a financial expert. Kirk spent much of his time doing missionary work and was involved in the church’s Pathway Program, helping other to obtain higher education. 

Kirk was known for his great sense of humor, strong moral compass, and unwavering commitment to his family and religion. He loved spending time on his tractor and was involved in technological advances throughout his life. He was a dedicated and hardworking individual, evident in his financial services career and his Church service. 

His legacy is one of love, devotion, and kindness. He will be deeply missed by all who knew him, but his memory will continue to inspire and uplift those whose lives he touched.

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Thursday, April 18: Viewing at the funeral home

Closed Casket Viewing at the Funeral Home

Tom | Craig | Kathi | Jon | Diane | Irene | Josh | Rachel | Audrey

Friday, April 19: Celebration of Life, Funeral, Burial

Sabrina | Ezra |Steph | Dave | Finn | Malorie | Rachel | Josh

My talk at the funeral:

We moved around a lot when I was a kid. When people asked what my Dad did for a living, I would tell them he was a “nomadic accountant”. The reality is my parent’s had family in different parts of the country and we spent time living near both sides. Just be warned, much of the part of my Dad’s life that I am covering will be all over the country.

Dad and my Mom met in a singles’ ward in Ohio. They were married and then moved to Houston, Texas. There Dad earned his Certified Public Accountant license. My brother, Doug, and I were both born in Houston before Dad was transferred for work and we moved back up to Ohio. After my sister, Rachel, was born in the “buckeye” state, we moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico - I assume because it is the most difficult city to learn to spell in the U.S. for elementary children. They bought a house with a steep driveway. One of my memories there is of my Dad getting up in the morning and shoveling the snow off of the entire driveway so he could get back up in the evening. Later in the day, we would move all of the snow back onto the driveway so we (and the neighborhood kids) could sled down our awesome hill. Of course we were too tired to shovel the snow back off and he would be left with the tricky task of parking the car that evening. While I am sure he had to be frustrated, he always took the situation in stride and appreciated that we had had such a good time.

Dad was an early adopter of technology and started a business selling computers with two partners in Albuquerque. Dad continued for the rest of his life to bring computers and technology into his homes. While my children cannot fathom a house with only one computer and struggle to believe that I am older than Google, many families did not have computers in their homes at that time. I believe that was a strong advantage that we had as children. My Dad always encouraged us to use our computers and explore what they could do. Although he did used to kick me off the internet back when we had dial-up and I had been on for a few hours.

When I was a teenager, we moved back to Texas where we lived close to Dad’s parents and his brothers, Craig and Jeff, as well as their respective families. On the weekdays, Dad worked at an accounting firm. Often on the weekend, he would take me, Doug, and Rachel over to our grandparents house to work on their beautiful but very large lawn. While my Dad worked in an office for his job, I think he really preferred working with tools and finding ways to fix problems. I don’t think I ever remember my Dad talking about accounting with as much excitement as he did new tools and equipment. 

Heading in a northwest direction next, we moved to Colorado and to, of course, a “dry” heat. Dad returned to working in the tech industry and worked in internet service provider start-ups. In the meantime, his parents had bought property in Star Valley, Wyoming and so we made several trips back and forth to visit and help them on the property over the years. Rachel shared with me some of her memories of that time. She told me, “I would always want to go outside and do something fun when we were in Wyoming. Dad used to call it Rachel’s excellent adventures. Once we loaded up the ATVs and headed out on an obscure trail. Another time he may have been mad at me for my speed but he would let me use the snowmobile.” 

She was going about 60 miles per hour one time, and yes, I do believe he was (ahem) a little upset about that.

While we were living in Boulder, Colorado, my parents decided to get a divorce. Dad then moved back east to Virginia to be near family and lived with his brothers during this difficult transition. I had just gotten married to my husband, Jason, and we moved out to Virginia as well. Which was fortunate because Dad’s first grandchild was to make an appearance the next year and he needed some cousins.

Kidding. Dad 100% did not meet and marry the love of his life just so my kid could have cousins - those were just a bonus. Dad and Diane met at church and worked together on singles’ ward events for a brief time before they started dating and then “graduated” out of the singles’ ward by getting married in the Washington, D.C. temple in April 2005. Before I even met Diane, I knew something serious was afoot the day I stopped by to visit him and he had a gorgeous array of red roses for a special someone. 

Shortly after Dad and Diane got married, they bought a house in Vienna, Virginia. From this day on, they always seemed to be working on a project or a renovation of whichever house they lived in. They always had a list of improvements that could be done. My Dad was never quite as happy as when he was driving back and forth from Lowe’s or Home Depot and could complain about how things were so poorly built these days. But clearly he enjoyed using his tools and having a reason to buy more tools. 

Marrying Diane enlarged Dad’s family instantly. Diane’s daughter Audrey and her husband, Aaron, and their kids Cale and Faye lived in the area. Her son Aaron (yes, that’s right - 2 Aarons!) and his wife, Megan, soon moved to Virginia as well. Our son Josh started off with the two cousins and over the years gained three brothers (Michael, Ben, and Isaac) and SEVEN more cousins (Tucker, Parker, Makenna, Bryce, Brooke, Corbin, and Alyssa). Family events were often chaotic when everyone lived in Virginia, but Dad and Diane opened their home to all of our crazy and they loved it.

During their marriage, Dad and Diane traveled far and wide. They went on their honeymoon to Hawaii, on a cruise to Alaska, visited Rachel when she was stationed in Germany, enjoyed the sun in Cancun, toured the Holy Land, and visited Revolutionary War sites in Boston. And more! I would keep going but I think I am supposed to keep this talk to a reasonable time.

After they both retired, they broke with tradition and bought a house with MORE stairs than the one they were living in. Moving here to Winchester provided Diane with the opportunity to get ponies and for Dad to get more equipment. Their time in Winchester was spent working on their house and land as well as serving as BYU Pathways missionaries. While my family and I moved across the country several years ago, every phone call there was a new project or update on current projects Dad shared with me. 

I wanted to share some thoughts that have been floating through my mind as I have been thinking about Dad for the last little while.

Excel

Excel is the one true software program. I am pretty sure that he held the belief that if you had Excel, you didn’t need anything else on your computer. This legacy continues on in his children and grandchildren who all really enjoy a well-designed spreadsheet.

Smiles

My Dad never smiled in photos. It’s been a discussion point between my siblings for years. In fact, when he turned 60 I made a short powerpoint presentation with photos from his life about this issue. Diane was amused, Dad maybe less so. But when I was going through some of their pictures I found on my external harddrive recently, I was delighted to find quite a few of him with Diane smiling, even for the camera.

Comment from Cousin

When talking about callings in the church, one of my cousins joked once that the Roberts’ are a family of clerks and secretaries. And it has seemed to me that many of us get that type of calling often. (Dear aunts, uncles, and cousins - if I am incorrect, I will let you know later to whom you should direct your comments.) This statement was definitely true about my Dad over the years. And I think it aligned closely with who my Dad was in so many ways. Dad was the methodical, organized, conscientious person who helped make things happen. He was the thoughtful, considerate, behind-the-scenes person who quietly helped others to succeed.

I learned about parenting from my Dad:

Compassion When I was (I am embarrassed to say) in college, I did the dishes one night (good) and then put dawn dish soap in the dishwasher (bad). And then I went to bed. You can imagine the mess. Dad came home late, but saw the mess and cleaned it up. He told me in the morning and I felt horrible and apologized and thanked him for cleaning it up.

And then I proceeded to do the same thing a few days later. I know, deep in my soul, that my Dad is a kinder person than me. I know this for many reasons, but one of those is that, after a long day of work, he cleaned my mess up again. 

I am not sure that is what I would have done in that situation as a parent. But I was struggling with health issues at the time, it said a lot to me about his willingness to let me get my much needed rest and sacrifice his own. 

Luckily, it only took me those two times to learn my lesson and to this day I double check every time I put dish detergent in the dishwasher. But I learned from this example that sometimes as a parent, you have to dig deep and help your children even when you are exhausted.

I often struggle when listening to talks at funerals. Based upon what the speakers say, you would think that only perfect people ever die. And so I come away feeling that my loved one has morphed into something they weren’t and that the richness and complexity of who they are has been flattened. As so I want to end by saying that my Dad was a deeply flawed person. And I loved him. I am a deeply flawed person. And I know he loved me. The beauty of a life isn’t in a person being perfect. The beauty is in the flaws and the messiness and how we grow and how we work to have compassion and love for each other. And so I would like to say that my Dad had a flawed and beautiful life. And I miss him.

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Dave | Jon | Rachel | Aaron L | Josh | Aaron W

Irene | Steph | Becky

Jeff | Marilyn | Irene | Mark

Megan | Aaron W | Irene | Doug | Audrey | Rachel | Aaron L

Craig | Jeff | Mark

Rachel | Doug | Jon | Becky | Tom | Dave

Audrey | Aaron | Diane | Irene | Rachel | Doug

Saturday, April 20: Breakfast with some cousins

Irene | Dave | Steph | Jeff | Becky | Rachel

Virginia Adventure

November came with a bit of medical drama from the east coast. Dad was admitted to the hospital after Thanksgiving with a bladder infection, severe dehydration, ketoacidosis, COVID-19, brain shrinkage and dementia-like symptoms. He had also lost 30 pounds and was refusing to eat or drink much. After the hospital got most of his acute issues under control, they sent him home and he was receiving some in-home nursing care and physical therapy with follow-up appointments with a neurologist and his primary physician. He continued to have mobility and cognitive issues that were concerning.

With no definitive diagnoses and a great deal of uncertainty about his memory, I received a phone call from Diane offering to pay for all of us to fly out to visit and see him. While I had been planning on flying out in January when the kids had gone back to school, this plan had a lot of benefits. I did discover why we don't travel like this as a family ($$$$$). It was an amazing offer. Pulling up our family Google Calendar, we picked the dates 12/28-12/31 and got ready to fly.

All three older boys have flown this year (Josh got back from Germany two days before Christmas in fact), but this was Isaac's first plane ride. 

None of them had ridden a horse before, but our time in VA fixed that. Kenna helped the boys into saddles and led the horse around on mini-trips.

Oma did a fabulous job of planning adventures to keep the kids occupied and make memories with their Virginia cousins. The older cousins did an escape room. 

Isaac and Lyssa spent some time at the children's museum.

And to add another item to their list of new experiences: axe throwing. 

And I had to include this epic picture Jason took of the boys in the hotel pool.

Too soon our time in Virginia was up and we were boarding a plane for home. 

Virginia and a Septuagenarian

Your father only turns 70 once. And since we are big fans of the base 10 system, a multiple of 10 feels like a bigger deal than your run-of-the-mill birthday. In light of that fact, I contacted Diane a while back to see what she thought about me (and potentially Rachel and Doug) coming to visit as a surprise for Dad's birthday. With an enthusiastic "yes!" from her, we began our plans. It took a little while to work around Rachel's work schedule and the German covid-19 travel restrictions, but we found a weekend really close to Dad's actual birthday we could all work with. Several emails, texts, phone calls, WhatsApp chats later and we had a plan.

Doug got to town on Monday and Dad thought that was the big surprise of the week. Rachel landed on Monday but visited a friend for a couple of days before meeting up with the rest of us. Last, but definitely not least, I did my cross-continental hop on Wednesday. That night we gathered at a restaurant in Winchester. Our arrivals were a little staggered, but Mark, Marilyn and Becky came as well as the Lattin crew. Dad was pretty surprised to find Rachel there when he arrived and then surprised again when I covered his eyes and said, "Guess who!?!" 

Catching up with family is always fun...even if my selfie skills somehow make me look like the short one. Spoiler - I am not the short one.

After a delicious meal, we parted ways (temporarily - there was more family fun coming over the next few days) and Doug, Rachel and I headed back to Dad and Diane's house.  I had only been to this house once before and it was right after a redeye flight so, to be completely honest, I don't really have a strong memory of that visit. And, if I understand correctly, they've had a few different sets of horses since then, and since that is the most important part of the property, that was going to be new anyway.

The current occupants of the barn are Jake and Bella. And we were delighted to discover that these rather large animals with huge teeth and sharp hooves were temperamentally very similar to large, friendly puppies. Rachel was less thrilled when Jake sneezed a very large, very green snotty sneeze on Rachel's brand-new, white shirt. I told her that she should never wash it and keep it as a memento.

She was not amused.

I don't know if you can tell, but Diane is pretty attached to horses.

And the feeling appears to be mutual.

After brushing Jake and Bella and then putting a saddle on Bella (these newbies were too wussy to ride bareback), Diane took us around for a little ride one at a time.

Which was really pretty cool.  Though riding something with a mind of her own that could potentially decide at some point that she wasn't interested in having you on her back anymore and then removing you, is a little unnerving. What was incredibly amusing (to me at least) is that while I was riding Bella, Jake spent most of his time shoving his butt in Rachel's face. It turns out he really, really likes having his butt scratched and put it in Rachel's face every chance he got. Diane offered to let her get a glove from the barn and help him out, but she decided to pass on that one. Ha!

Thursday evening we had a lovely dinner at Megan's and got a chance to catch up, meet the littlest niece (so little she still has cute little toesies that you want to eat), check out the home movie theater Aaron is building in the basement (more than a little bit awesome), and snag a bottle homemade BBQ sauce.

After running errands on Friday, we explored a trail Diane had heard about which boasted a family-friendly watering hole.  The directions were a smidge confusing, but we managed NOT to trespass on private property for too long and made it to the trail.  It was only a mile long, but had a lot of roots and rocks so it was a little rough for Dad who has some mobility issues these days. Diane had given him some nice walking polls for his birthday. He definitely got to break them in on this hike, though I think something less intense for his first time out probably would have been more confidence building.

However, with some effort and determination, he made it to the destination for a much needed break and snack.

In the meantime, the kids had gotten lost on the trail (Megan about had a heart attack) but were found and then were living it up in the water. To be honest, if we lived near this place, we'd be here all the time because it was pretty awesome. I think the boys would love it.

Eventually, we extracted the kids from the water and started the return trip.  Back at the house, Rachel and Michelle had arrived to find the place empty of people but filled with smoke. Diane had put ribs in the oven and then underestimated the length of time we'd be gone. Luckily, the house was not locked so they turned off the oven and opened the windows and doors. We were concerned that we would be returning to burned ribs, but they were actually falling off the bone delicious.

After dinner, I noticed sparkling lights on the lawn. FIREFLIES! Isaac has mentioned several times that he is sad we have no fireflies here. Apparently they are only an east coast denizen. Though, if murder hornets and ticks with lyme disease can make it to Washington, I don't know why fireflies can't make it too. So I grabbed a jar and informed Rachel that we were heading outside. It turns out that fireflies are not fast. But, they are also invisible in the dark except for split second when they light up. Just so you know, there is nothing at all ridiculous about two grown women running around in the dark with a Mason jar, using their phones as flashlights, trying to catch slow flying bugs.

Nothing at all.

So, we managed to catch a couple. But once they were in the jar, they didn't want to glow.  Apparently they don't take kindly to being held captive.  After we let the second one go, there suddenly weren't anymore of them around. Not sure if their time of night was over or the message had spread and they all left the area. 

Heads hung low from our firefly defeat, we returned to the house. Since the three of us and Dad were finally all together and no one had passed out yet from jetlag, it turned into a photo opportunity.  Many, many, many photos were taken. Probably none of which are good of all of us all at once, but here are a couple from my phone that aren't horrible.

Saturday was full of errands (I wanted to get little gifts for my boys and Rachel needed a covid test) and ended with more horse and family fun. Makenna and Shelby guided Bella and Jake so Rachel and I could do a trail ride around the property. These girls love horses and the horses love them right back. We were in very good hands.

I snapped this admittedly blurry image from the back of a horse - it was such a lovely evening.

After our ride, we helped get a bonfire fire started. S'mores were on the dessert menu for the evening. Bryce was our fire guy.

We were a little surprised the horses didn't mind the fire. And Corbin didn't mind relaxing bareback.

Fireflies were out again. Makenna helped us out by trying to keep this one on her hand while I struggled to synchronize my picture taking with its glowing. I finally caught the glow while video taping it so had something to show Isaac when I got home.

We spent the rest of the evening playing laser tag and watching Alyssa's parents try to keep her away from the marshmallows. Eventually, it was time to douse the fire with water and pack everything up. 

We stopped off at Mark and Marilyn's on Sunday to visit with them and the Fletchers before heading to the airport. I did not take any pictures and am. kick. ing. my. self.  Love my VA (and I guess technically now NC) family even if I do not love VA. 

Alas, all good and crazy humid things must come to an end. One five-hour flight later and I was back on Washington State soil.  Glorious views of Rainier, St Helens, and Hood awaited me along with 70 degree temps. Also, my insanely hot husband and fabulous kids (though only one would openly admit he missed me).