My talk at the funeral:
We moved around a lot when I was a kid. When people asked what my Dad did for a living, I would tell them he was a “nomadic accountant”. The reality is my parent’s had family in different parts of the country and we spent time living near both sides. Just be warned, much of the part of my Dad’s life that I am covering will be all over the country.
Dad and my Mom met in a singles’ ward in Ohio. They were married and then moved to Houston, Texas. There Dad earned his Certified Public Accountant license. My brother, Doug, and I were both born in Houston before Dad was transferred for work and we moved back up to Ohio. After my sister, Rachel, was born in the “buckeye” state, we moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico - I assume because it is the most difficult city to learn to spell in the U.S. for elementary children. They bought a house with a steep driveway. One of my memories there is of my Dad getting up in the morning and shoveling the snow off of the entire driveway so he could get back up in the evening. Later in the day, we would move all of the snow back onto the driveway so we (and the neighborhood kids) could sled down our awesome hill. Of course we were too tired to shovel the snow back off and he would be left with the tricky task of parking the car that evening. While I am sure he had to be frustrated, he always took the situation in stride and appreciated that we had had such a good time.
Dad was an early adopter of technology and started a business selling computers with two partners in Albuquerque. Dad continued for the rest of his life to bring computers and technology into his homes. While my children cannot fathom a house with only one computer and struggle to believe that I am older than Google, many families did not have computers in their homes at that time. I believe that was a strong advantage that we had as children. My Dad always encouraged us to use our computers and explore what they could do. Although he did used to kick me off the internet back when we had dial-up and I had been on for a few hours.
When I was a teenager, we moved back to Texas where we lived close to Dad’s parents and his brothers, Craig and Jeff, as well as their respective families. On the weekdays, Dad worked at an accounting firm. Often on the weekend, he would take me, Doug, and Rachel over to our grandparents house to work on their beautiful but very large lawn. While my Dad worked in an office for his job, I think he really preferred working with tools and finding ways to fix problems. I don’t think I ever remember my Dad talking about accounting with as much excitement as he did new tools and equipment.
Heading in a northwest direction next, we moved to Colorado and to, of course, a “dry” heat. Dad returned to working in the tech industry and worked in internet service provider start-ups. In the meantime, his parents had bought property in Star Valley, Wyoming and so we made several trips back and forth to visit and help them on the property over the years. Rachel shared with me some of her memories of that time. She told me, “I would always want to go outside and do something fun when we were in Wyoming. Dad used to call it Rachel’s excellent adventures. Once we loaded up the ATVs and headed out on an obscure trail. Another time he may have been mad at me for my speed but he would let me use the snowmobile.”
She was going about 60 miles per hour one time, and yes, I do believe he was (ahem) a little upset about that.
While we were living in Boulder, Colorado, my parents decided to get a divorce. Dad then moved back east to Virginia to be near family and lived with his brothers during this difficult transition. I had just gotten married to my husband, Jason, and we moved out to Virginia as well. Which was fortunate because Dad’s first grandchild was to make an appearance the next year and he needed some cousins.
Kidding. Dad 100% did not meet and marry the love of his life just so my kid could have cousins - those were just a bonus. Dad and Diane met at church and worked together on singles’ ward events for a brief time before they started dating and then “graduated” out of the singles’ ward by getting married in the Washington, D.C. temple in April 2005. Before I even met Diane, I knew something serious was afoot the day I stopped by to visit him and he had a gorgeous array of red roses for a special someone.
Shortly after Dad and Diane got married, they bought a house in Vienna, Virginia. From this day on, they always seemed to be working on a project or a renovation of whichever house they lived in. They always had a list of improvements that could be done. My Dad was never quite as happy as when he was driving back and forth from Lowe’s or Home Depot and could complain about how things were so poorly built these days. But clearly he enjoyed using his tools and having a reason to buy more tools.
Marrying Diane enlarged Dad’s family instantly. Diane’s daughter Audrey and her husband, Aaron, and their kids Cale and Faye lived in the area. Her son Aaron (yes, that’s right - 2 Aarons!) and his wife, Megan, soon moved to Virginia as well. Our son Josh started off with the two cousins and over the years gained three brothers (Michael, Ben, and Isaac) and SEVEN more cousins (Tucker, Parker, Makenna, Bryce, Brooke, Corbin, and Alyssa). Family events were often chaotic when everyone lived in Virginia, but Dad and Diane opened their home to all of our crazy and they loved it.
During their marriage, Dad and Diane traveled far and wide. They went on their honeymoon to Hawaii, on a cruise to Alaska, visited Rachel when she was stationed in Germany, enjoyed the sun in Cancun, toured the Holy Land, and visited Revolutionary War sites in Boston. And more! I would keep going but I think I am supposed to keep this talk to a reasonable time.
After they both retired, they broke with tradition and bought a house with MORE stairs than the one they were living in. Moving here to Winchester provided Diane with the opportunity to get ponies and for Dad to get more equipment. Their time in Winchester was spent working on their house and land as well as serving as BYU Pathways missionaries. While my family and I moved across the country several years ago, every phone call there was a new project or update on current projects Dad shared with me.
I wanted to share some thoughts that have been floating through my mind as I have been thinking about Dad for the last little while.
Excel
Excel is the one true software program. I am pretty sure that he held the belief that if you had Excel, you didn’t need anything else on your computer. This legacy continues on in his children and grandchildren who all really enjoy a well-designed spreadsheet.
Smiles
My Dad never smiled in photos. It’s been a discussion point between my siblings for years. In fact, when he turned 60 I made a short powerpoint presentation with photos from his life about this issue. Diane was amused, Dad maybe less so. But when I was going through some of their pictures I found on my external harddrive recently, I was delighted to find quite a few of him with Diane smiling, even for the camera.
Comment from Cousin
When talking about callings in the church, one of my cousins joked once that the Roberts’ are a family of clerks and secretaries. And it has seemed to me that many of us get that type of calling often. (Dear aunts, uncles, and cousins - if I am incorrect, I will let you know later to whom you should direct your comments.) This statement was definitely true about my Dad over the years. And I think it aligned closely with who my Dad was in so many ways. Dad was the methodical, organized, conscientious person who helped make things happen. He was the thoughtful, considerate, behind-the-scenes person who quietly helped others to succeed.
I learned about parenting from my Dad:
Compassion When I was (I am embarrassed to say) in college, I did the dishes one night (good) and then put dawn dish soap in the dishwasher (bad). And then I went to bed. You can imagine the mess. Dad came home late, but saw the mess and cleaned it up. He told me in the morning and I felt horrible and apologized and thanked him for cleaning it up.
And then I proceeded to do the same thing a few days later. I know, deep in my soul, that my Dad is a kinder person than me. I know this for many reasons, but one of those is that, after a long day of work, he cleaned my mess up again.
I am not sure that is what I would have done in that situation as a parent. But I was struggling with health issues at the time, it said a lot to me about his willingness to let me get my much needed rest and sacrifice his own.
Luckily, it only took me those two times to learn my lesson and to this day I double check every time I put dish detergent in the dishwasher. But I learned from this example that sometimes as a parent, you have to dig deep and help your children even when you are exhausted.
I often struggle when listening to talks at funerals. Based upon what the speakers say, you would think that only perfect people ever die. And so I come away feeling that my loved one has morphed into something they weren’t and that the richness and complexity of who they are has been flattened. As so I want to end by saying that my Dad was a deeply flawed person. And I loved him. I am a deeply flawed person. And I know he loved me. The beauty of a life isn’t in a person being perfect. The beauty is in the flaws and the messiness and how we grow and how we work to have compassion and love for each other. And so I would like to say that my Dad had a flawed and beautiful life. And I miss him.
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