On becoming an Author

I recently borrowed the book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" published by LLL from the library. Just reading it made me want to vomit and quit breastfeeding simultaneously. The book mentions several times what a relaxing and wonderful experience bf is and how fantastic and sensual it is for the mother. I have my reasons for bf Ben, but that is not even on the list. It also says that plugged ducts (sorry to any males reading this) are the body's way of telling the mother to relax and slow down. Or, from my experience, that your baby slept a blissful 10 hours and if that isn't normal for you, baaaaaad things happen. Painful things happen.

So, after grousing to Jason a bit, we decided that we should write our own book. I think this is what our table of contents might look like:

Breastfeeding Sucks; a book for the rest of us

1: Intro: The baby is going to do what? where?

2: If labor wasn't painful for you (epidural notwithstanding), then neither will breastfeeding (and no, they won't give you an epidural to help you breastfeed).

3: Attached at the hip, and other more embarrassing places.

4: If she feels like a cow and makes milk like a cow, give her chocolate to make her feel better.

5: Things that crawl across the floor in the night and other sleep-deprivation hallucinations.

6: For larger chested women: A fortress of pillows may be your only hope.

7: For your husband: If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, get a number and stand in line because that is how we got all these kids in the first place.

8: Mythbusters:

Breastfeeding is NOT a free pass to fit into those jeans you wore in college.

You can breastfeed and still be sad.

Some geniuses were fed formula.

9: Breastfeeding will be difficult and painful, so if you choose to do it you will have to just suck it up.

Clearly, I am a little bitter about this whole thing. And I may be even more so this afternoon when I try on the dress I plan to wear to my cousin's wedding tomorrow. But much of my frustration is born of false expectations. If so many people, books and web pages hadn't constantly been touting the benefits of breastfeeding (which only happen for a few people and in reality not for many that I know), and just told me, "breastfeeding will be difficult and painful, just suck it up," I might have felt less betrayed by the entire experience. After 4 1/2 months, I haven't lost a single pound from breastfeeding. Ben is still covered in eczema like Josh was/is. I still had to go on antidepressants for PPD. And, because of my dimensions, there is no real way to do this in public discretely.

I am, however, just utterly amazed that we have made it this far and if I ever write a book (not really going to happen), I would have a whole page of people to thank for their support (no matter what my decision is) and love. So, we'll keep trucking and stick to it until I decide to quit.