I think that every parent, upon discovering that they will be a parent, should receive a manual emblazoned with the words Don't Panic a la The Hitchhikers' Guide. The subtitle of which should be Be Prepared to Be Judged By EVERYONE.
And it's true. As a parent, you are judged about every decision from conception on and by many people regardless of their relation to you, their experience or their parental status. All of a sudden, many people would have you believe, every decision you make is of vital, almost life-or-death importance and the wrong (as defined by that person) choice makes you a horrible parent.
It starts right away. Did you gain too much or too little weight during pregnancy? Did you eat only organic or lots of cheesy nachos? Did you find out the gender of the baby? Are you going to have a vaginal birth or c-section? In the hospital or at home? With an epidural or without? Midwife or doctor? Scheduled or unscheduled? Induced or not induced? Breast feed or bottle feed? Circumcise or not? Co-sleep or not? Sleep schedule or cry it out? Scheduled feedings or on-demand feedings? To pump or not to pump? Immunize or not immunize or delayed immunization? Pierce ears or not? Baby wrap or stroller? Introduce solids at 4 months or 6 months or whenever an older child accidentally feeds the baby? Milk or soy? Jar or homemade baby food? How old will the baby be when you leave him/her with a sitter? Democrat or Republican? No TV until the baby is 2 years old or start right off with Baby Einstein and Elmo? And that is just the first year. Just wait until you get to home school or public school?
In addition, probably before you have even given birth, people will start questioning you about the next baby. How long are you going to wait to get pregnant again? 3 months or 3 years or adopt?
Many people, parents or not, have really strong opinions on at least one of the questions listed above. I know I do on some of them. But the reality is, there is no universal right or wrong answer to any of these questions. There is a best answer for each parent/child combo and it is their job to figure that answer out for themselves. For many of those questions, we have tried both options. We all survived. My kids are happy, bright little people. I am still emotionally scarred from an unplanned all-natural childbirth, but I'll be just fine. Eventually.
I am not pointing any fingers. I have been guilty of judging others as well. I did a lot more judging before I had children. Having children has humbled me considerably. I try to do my best not to judge but to provide sympathy, help and a hug whenever I can because, whatever else it is, being a parent is hard. I really believe that most parents are doing their very best and I try to give them the support they need as I have been given support from others. And when I catch myself judging other parents, I try to remind myself that there is no one perfect way to raise a wonderful adult and that their way is most likely as good for them and their children as mine is for me and mine.
Okay, I'll get off my soap box now. Have a lovely Friday!
1 comment:
well said!
Post a Comment